Time to Get Real

Tomorrow will be 1 month since my last post and boy, oh boy, has a lot happened in that time.  The kids finished up another year of school and have all successfully passed!  Next year, we'll have all four of our children in full-fledged school in the 5th grade, 3rd grade, 2nd grade and Kindergarten.  All four kids had a checkup and received their shots.  The movers came and packed all of our worldly possessions and delivered them safely to our new home in Oklahoma.  We've just about got everything unpacked...the scrapbook stuff and office stuff is always the biggest hassle and I'm dreading it.  Justin is settling into his new position as Manager and seems to be getting along pretty well.  We've met the new neighbors and discovered a few parks and the library in our new hometown.  I'm learning my way around and may just be able to put down the GoogleMaps app on my phone soon.  Life is developing a new normal for us, which is good, I suppose.

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be a place where I could be sincere about challenges of being a Christ-follower, a woman, a mother, a friend, a professional, and so on.  I've tried to share some of my struggles along the way and I've used the blog as a place to remind myself (and hopefully a few others) of the faithfulness of God.  I've shared lessons learned and I've hopefully glorified God in the process. 

So, here's a post where it gets real...real sincere.  Life isn't all sassiness, fun, and laughs right now.  Moving to a new town is proving to be a lot harder than I'd imagined.  I have never been so far out of my comfort zone and it's kinda freakin' me out!  I've now taken my kids to two parks, the library, a $1 movie, and have yet to be my "social" self.  I've not introduced myself to anyone. I've hardly spoken to anyone.  It seems I'm a nervous nelly right now, and I don't know why.  The most adult contact I've had is with the cashier at Dollar Tree or Homeland!  God has put some amazing neighbors in my path, and for that I'm grateful...I've met an incredibly strong mother, Becky C., who is helping her husband in ministry while raising three amazing kids and going to school, Mrs. Joanne who is a 3rd grade teacher in a neighboring district and invited us to church, sitting with us on our first visit and showing us around a bit, and Jason who is just hilarious!  I'm sure these people will all become dear friends as time goes on.

It's weird though, for me to not know anyone outside of my neighbors. It's so weird to not go to the store and see someone you know.  It's odd to see your friends on facebook getting together for something great and knowing you can't join, because you're 3 hours away.  It's hard to sit at the park and watch your kids play in the sprinklers with no one to talk to.  It's difficult to sit at the library and not know a single soul in the place.

Looking back now, I'm wondering "Lord, how often have I not noticed another woman all alone in these situations?  How often have I failed to say 'hello' and to introduce myself?  How often have I failed to show Your friendly nature by failing to be friendly, myself?" It's been rather humbling. 

My prayer tonight is three-fold...

One, I'm praying God will bring me out of this funk I'm in and give me the courage to be myself, social, strong and confident, to allow me to step outside of myself and take a risk to meet people. 

Two, I'm praying God will bring some wonderful women into my life, to help make this transition a little easier, to show me and the kids around and to help us feel connected.  It's difficult to hear Justin talk about all the people at work, knowing that he is building connections, and to feel like I have none, yet.  (Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely THRILLED that Justin's is doing well and getting along so well!  That is so important for him, in his new posiiton, and I am so grateful that he has people around him at work.  I'm just being a little selfish and saying "I want that, too, God.")

And, three, I'm praying that God will keep the connections I left behind strong and steadfast. I'm praying that those people who are most important in my life will always know how important they are and I'm praying that the distance between us now will not always feel so big. 

Sincerely praying.  Sincerely trusting. Sincerely relying on my faith. Sincerely trying to be patient.  No sassy here, right now, just sincerity.  Just honesty.  This is real life.  This is true. It ain't pretty, I know...but it is what it is.  Please join me in praying these three things.  And know, that if you're one of those connections I left in Kansas, I love you and miss you...sincerely.