Flame Out

Oh, how quickly things change. Yesterday, I wrote about how I was starting to feel better and trying to look at this whole "We've moved to a new state" in a brighter light...well, today, not so much. I'm kind of hating it right now.  My husband's company's "processes" are giving me a giant headache, my kids do not know the meaning of the word quiet and I spent at least two hours trying to fix a printer communication issue that turned out to be a one click fix in my router's settings!  Oh, and to top it all off, I had planned to grill ribs tonight for dinner and the stupid wind kept blowing my grill flame out, or I'm low on propane and don't know it.  Ribs from the oven just aren't as good. 

As I'm sitting here, almost in tears, from the crappy mood I'm in, it occurs to me that I might be a little bit like that grill flame.  Yesterday, my renewed energy and flame was burning stronger...today, Satan has decided to blow it out like big fat birthday candle!  "Nope," he says, "I'm not going to let you feel better." The circumstances today are that my husband and I fought all morning long over something completely out of our control. This kids will not stay out of the kitchen and will not stop fighting with each other.  The pitch of my daughters' voices today could scare away a wild lion and I'm about to lose my mind.  I am literally counting down the minutes until bedtime...which is now 14 minutes away.

So, I guess I'm writing this as a way to vent...to avoid losing it on those I love the most...to avoid the stream of tears that is lying just under the surface...to avoid telling my husband how much I want to go back "home" when I know that this is my new home...to avoid it all...I just want to avoid everything right now and space completely out.

When the house is quiet and I can be still, I will have another long talk with God.  I will tell Satan to back the heck off and leave me alone.  I will ask God for strength and I will go to bed early, hoping tomorrow will be another flame-burner.