Friday, October 25, 2013

The Truth Is...

As I logged on to the computer today to pen a new post, I scrolled to the bottom of the blog page and found two comments that, while masked in Christian "love", were fully intended to be insulting and hurtful. I'll admit that I was deeply hurt and I was deeply impacted by these comments.  It took me about 5 hours to get over it and to stop dwelling on the pain and the sting of the words, to stop questioning whether the words are true and to stop wanting to know who posted the comments.  Obviously, its someone who knows me in real life. Obviously, its someone who believes that I've done something wrong. Obviously, its someone who feels like I am still doing something wrong.  What isn't so obvious is this person's role in my experience, and that we will probably never know, because like most hurtful comments posted online, they were posted anonymously.

So, after wiping my tears and dusting myself off from this fall, I would like to respond with the truth, and then to move on with my originally planned post for today.

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The truth is that I appreciate any and all prayers sent up on my behalf.  One can never be covered by too much prayer.  Thank you for thinking of me as you pray.

The truth is that I am sure I have needed to be forgiven on many occasions. I am not perfect.  The Bible tells us in Romans 3:23 "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  If I have personally hurt you, I am deeply sorry and I would ask you to please contact me, directly, so that we may try to work out any hurts that I've caused to you.

However, if the actions that you're speaking of have anything to do with my decision to tell my story - either as a young person or now - I will not apologize for that decision. I will use the experiences of my life to honor God's presence in my life and I will attempt to do that as respectfully as possible. I will speak only the truth, as I remember it, and I will always focus on the awesome blessings that God has brought into my life far more than the hurts.  I will be an example of overcoming adversity and I will not be ashamed, nor will I hide the truth of my experience.  It is my experience and I have every right to share it, in order to show my gratitude for God's presence and protection over my life - many times over.

The truth is I've had therapy. Years and years of therapy. I've attended countless sessions of group and individual therapy.  I've spilled my guts and my tears more times than I can count and it is through this process that I've learned it is healthy to tell my story and to share my experiences with others - good and bad. I've also learned what is my fault and what isn't. I've learned how to accept responsibility for my actions and to be open to feedback and criticism. I've learned how to look for opportunities to grow, personally and professionally. I've challenged myself to look at my world through the lens of truth and it was hard. It was painful but it was also exhilarating. I left my therapist's office for the last time with the knowledge that I was "okay" and that I was capable of doing amazing things, knowing that my past did not need to define my future, and knowing how to have trust in the world around me. 

The truth is I AM A POSITIVE FORCE FOR GOOD.  I am a Child of God. I am a devoted wife who is ultimately faithful to my husband. I truly desire to be a Proverbs 31 woman and I am happy to be his helpmate in life. I am an amazing mother, even on those days when I am not such a great mom, because my children are happy, healthy, and safe, and they know I love them, unconditionally.  I am an awesome social worker who impacts the world for better.  I am a loving, loyal, and committed friend who would give and do anything for anyone, if it is in my power to do so.  I know these things to be true because of the positive relationships in my life. I know these things to be true because of the people who love me, for who I am, good and bad. 

I also know that I will continue to be a positive force for good because God tells me so.  He has a calling on my life and He has a plan for me.  He promises me so in Jeremiah 29:11, which says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.". 

The truth is I am very aware that there are many things of which I am unaware.  I will discover them and learn from them or grow from them in God's timing and I'm okay with that. I am aware that I am not perfect and that I will make mistakes every single day. I am even aware that sometimes my emotions get the better of me. I am also aware that I have lots of room for improvement. I am aware that I am in constant need of relationship and that I really need affirmations in my life.  I am aware that I won't always receive affirmations and, it is during these times when I need to turn my eyes toward Jesus for the affirmation I seek.  He will always provide. 

Finally, the truth is I am many things, but damaged is not one of them - anymore. I was saved from this state a long time ago and many times over. First, when I was saved from my childhood. Next, when I was saved from the daily thoughts of self-doubt and self-loathing. Then, from the willingness to be held down in the pit for the rest of my existence, and finally, when I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my ultimate Savior.  On that day, any damage that existed in my heart was fixed and I AM DAMAGED NO MORE. 

The truth is I am accepted. I am Secure. I am Significant.  You can read more about these affirmations from scripture in this simple, easy to read PDF from and in the Holy Bible.  I would encourage you to do your own digging into these truths, because,

The truth is...

You are too, if you believe in Jesus Christ and in His power in your life. 

Thank you for taking the time to comment, because you have given me the opportunity, during a week when I've really been feeling attacked from several different directions, to be reminded of these truths.  For that, I am sincerely grateful to you...whoever you are.

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