January Check-in

Here we are...already 20 days into 2014 and its beginning to feel normal. I rarely try to write 2013 anymore and I recognize all the weight loss and resolution television commercials are slowing down. I am prompted, now, to reflect on my first 20 days and to ask myself why I am struggling to make some pretty simple changes in my life. Reflection isn't only for December, right? One must really do a self-check periodically in order to stay focused. Join me as I recount my 5 top goals for the year and let me know how younate doing on your goals in the comments section.

I only made it through the first 6 days in my daily time with God. What?? Why do I never go a day without checking email or my bank account and I only go a day or two without checking in on facebook, but I can go 13 days without purposefully sitting down to read the Word? Why do I ignore that pull even when I feel a little guilty about it and am doing nothing else with my time? I do have the Bible right there on my phone! I really need to recommit to this goal and listen when God is calling me to spend time with him.

Write two blogs per month per blog. Halfway there. I have a great idea for another blog over on www.WhenFosterCareGoesRight.com and will get it posted this week.

Write 12 pieces for FosterFocus Magazine.  Even though I have a couple great ideas spinning in my head, I've not put them to paper, yet. I plan to do a couple this week and send them over to the editor, though. Someone keep me accountable!

Cook more/eat at home more. We are doing well in this a, which is both good for my wallet and my families health. Why is so much of our life and how we defime fun wrapped up into food, somehow? Kinda reminds me of that scene from the movie "Over the Hedge" when the main character is explaining how the people have more than enough food to the wild forest ani,als and he suggests that we almost worship food. Man! So true! Its really pretty sad. I am, however, feeling okay with my progress on this goal, so far.

Run. That's a quick summary but the general goal is to run this year. I was selected to share my journey to become a runner in 2014 with the readers of MetroFamily Magazine in the Oklahoma City area, alongside three other women. We were blessed with new running shoes and professionally guided to just the right footwear by Red Coyote Running store. Great, great people! The photo shoot was super fun, too! I tried to really tap into my inner-Tyra and "smize" as best I could. I'll post a link to the pictures and the article as soon as I see it.  I have started working out and, today, I RAN a total of over 12 minutes. Whoop whoop!

I'll update more again soon. I plan to do an intentional check-in each month as a means to staying focused.

How are you doing, so far, in 2014?

Gaining in 2014

I realize, as another year comes to a close, that's I'm really, really good about making goals for myself and even at putting them out there for the world to see.  I am not, however, very good at sticking with them. I realize I need some form of real accountability. I need to be held to the fire to make it happen. Every year for the last 5+ years, I've said "I'm gonna lose weight this year."  Funny thing is that in 2012, I succeeded. I lost 40 lbs that year!  I've also said many times that I'm going to spend more time with God, exercise more, and be better wife & mom.  I've said I'd be devoted to my life's goals of writing a book and becoming a conference speaker & presenter.  I've made some lofty goals over the years, but really, if I'm honest have not been successful in reaching those goals.  That's a tough pill to swallow, but I promised when I started this blog to be sincere.  So, this is me being sincere.  I'm human and sometimes, I fail. Thankfully, God still loves me (and many of you do too!). Whew!!! I am eternally grateful for THAT!!!

In 2012, I lost 40 lbs.  In 2013, I gained 47 back. Yikes!!! How could I let that happen?  I let those awful bad habits creep back in to my life and I lost all focus and dedication to my health.  I've even tried to recommit several times this year...keyword...tried.  Fell short. 

I've said before I wanted to run a half-marathon and then sat my big booty on the couch and didn't make it happen.  Why?

I've said before I'm going to write a book.  My book.  My story.  I believe with all my heart that God has given me the experiences of my life so I can impact others and I know that it will honor Him for me to share that story in the written word.  Unfortunately, I just haven't forced myself to do it. What's holding me back?

At least 2013 wasn't a complete loss. I did have a goal of speaking more and this year I was blessed to be a paid speaker at two separate events.  What an incredible experience!!! I am truly humbled and honored to be able to connect with people in this manner and I'm praying God will open more doors for me, in the future.

The year 2014 starts in about 3 hours and its time for me to decide...will this be another year of the same ol' same ol' or will this be a year of "LET'S DO IT!" ???? (Where's the Magic 8 Ball when you need it, huh?)

I'm praying for strength, endurance, perseverance, focus, and determination and I'm looking to God in my journey for the coming year.  I'm making my goals for the year more measurable and they're all goals I can track and check off as I go...so I can see progress.  I'm not focusing on what I want to lose, but instead, I've decided to make goals that will help me gain something positive in my life. 

In 2014, I plan to
1) Spend 10 minutes w/ God each day. (and, I'm going to commit to doing this BEFORE I check my smartphone apps or email or bank account! If I can spend way more than 10 minutes checking these things each day, I can definitely spend 10 minutes with my Father.)
2) Eat at home more/Cook more (menu planning will be key).
3) RUN in three 5ks and one 10k race. (I'll be one of 4 featured moms on the journey to a 5k in a local family magazine www.MetroFamilyMagazine.com from February to April...how's that for accountability???)
4) Blog at least 2x/month on Sassy & Sincere AND When Foster Care Goes Right
5) Write 12 pieces for www.FosterFocusMag.com
6) Book 4 paid speaking engagements as a conference or workshop presenter.


What will you do in 2014 to impact your life in a positive way?  Share your goals in the comments section here.

The "F" word at Thanksgiving?????

A few nights ago, I was sitting with my kids watching a little TV and I had this thought "Maybe its not about me."  So, I grabbed my laptop, trying to push away the thought and I was going to write a fun little blog post, or work on my newest magazine article. Determined to not spend too much time entertaining this awful little thought. I mean who really wants to admit it isn't about me? As I opened "My Documents" I scrolled across a letter I'd started months ago and never finished because it was just too painful...too raw...and too challenging.

First, let me give you the back story.

Last spring, I heard my new friend Amy Little of Beautiful Truth Ministries teach on the importance of repentance and forgiveness for the family tree and future generations.  A pretty run-of-the-mill sermon topic, huh?  

Well...no.  Not this time.  

I really didn't like her message, at all.  In fact, I have NEVER approached a Bible teacher after the message to say "I don't agree with this" in my life! Until that night.  

Yep. I sure did. I walked right up to Mrs. Amy and said "Excuse me, but I'm really struggling with this idea." 

What I really meant was "This is totally and completely wrong!" 

Of course, trying to be the good little Christian girl at Thursday night Bible study, I was not going to say that! How could I be so rude?!?!  So, I "churched" it up a little but the heart-feeling was still there.  I didn't like what I'd heard and I was not going to own it!!!

So, what was the big deal about Mrs. Amy's message? She was preaching on the section of scripture that talks about the sins of the father being visited on the children.  She had the gall to suggest that each of us needs to repent for the sins of our ancestors and to seek forgiveness, on their behalf.  

Forgiveness! The new "F-bomb".

Are you kidding me?!?!? I was the victim of my ancestors and my parents and I have spent my whole life learning to not own their sins as my own and I am not about to start repenting, on their behalf, now.  Why should I? I mean, shouldn't they be apologizing, repenting and seeking forgiveness from me?  I should not have to apologize, seek forgiveness, or to repent for any of their actions.  Right?!?!

I left Bible study and told myself to just forget the whole thing...that was not God's message for me.  It did not apply to my life.  Her message was intended for someone else and God did not expect me to do this.  Afterall, I was not living a life like them and my children are happy.  I'm not angry at the world and I don't believe the world is out to get me. I have turned things around and I've taken the opportunities to find stability, success, and real happiness in front of me. 

Then, a few months later, I got the call that my grandmother was ill and may not make it.  As I was driving the 6 hours to try to see her again, in case she passed (because I don't get to see my family all that often), I was thinking about my family and the relationships that are strained in so many different ways.  I thought about all those people who never speak to one another and I thought about the distance between these people I love, but never see and never really talk to.

I was reminded of the message I'd received in the spring and I was forced to reconsider whether or not God really had intended that message for me.  

Fast forward to October and one phone call that seemed like so many others before.  Same ol', same ol' as they say.  

Then, November. The month for Thanksgiving.  The month for gratitude...to recognize God's blessings on our lives and to give Him praise.  Yes, I'm grateful, but this year, I've been a little hard-pressed to put words to it...feeling a little put-off by all the "Today I'm thankful for"s.

Months have passed since that Spring Bible Study and I have tried to, on occasion, acknowledge this message over my life.  Or, have I? 

If I'm totally honest with myself, I know there have been moments I've thought about it and prayed about it and even knew, that yes, I should repent and seek forgiveness on behalf of my family, for my heart's sake and the sake of future generations, but I've not really, truly done it...yet.  Why not???

This week, as I'm sitting with my kids and I open my laptop, and I see the letter...it hits me. 

Now, is the time. So, I type out the rest of that abandoned letter from months and months earlier.  I typed it but did not print it. I don't know if I will.  I don't know if its maybe something I need to say, rather than mail. I am worried about how it will be received, or if it will be faced with more resistance and "yeah, but" or if I'll be cut-off and told "I'm not doing this" again. Perhaps, the writer in me just needed to put the words to paper - to see them in print. Only God knows where the entirety of this letter will go and how things will turn out.

I want to humbly ask you to do two things with me, this Thanksgiving week (and beyond):

1) Please pray for me, my heart, and my family as I work to trust God in all things - including real Forgiveness for my family - my ancestors, my immediate family, and my future generations. Please pray for me, as I begin to pray that God will do a good work in me and not others in my life. That can be a scary process, kind of like open-heart surgery, but I know its in my best interest.  I know God is the ultimate-healer and I will trust him with my heart.

2) Consider the pains and hurts that may be infecting your family.  Are there viruses impacting your family tree that should be repented to God? Are you, somehow, passing these viruses on to future generations?  (Remember, there are lots of ways infections of pain, mistrust, and sin can be passed on, not just in the exact repeat version.) Do you need to seek Forgiveness?  Do you need to offer Forgiveness?

I pray you will allow God to work in your heart this holiday season and that you will be open to Him, in all ways...even when you're thinking "Are you kidding me?"