Jeremiah 29:11 says ' "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." '
I wish someone would have shown me this verse when I was a kid. I wish someone would have explained to me that the goings-on in my world were part of a bigger plan. I wish someone would have told me that my experiences would lead me straight into the opportunity to meet the love of my life very early on, my field of study in college, my career, and would guide my own parenting choices and values for family. It sure would have made enduring my life easier.
Lately, I've been reminded several times of this verse. As I look back over all the things I've gone through, I am gently reminded that it truly was part of God's plan. At times, it ticks me off that God would allow certain things to happen. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that! I'm human and I get angry about my life, my family, my circumstances. We all do. At other times, most of the time, though, I'm thankful that, with the pain, came a way out and a way to make it all make sense.
Growing up with an alcoholic father, watching him disrespect, hit and belittle my mother, seeing him treat his children like we didn't matter and being treated as his own personal toy was no fun, to say the least. Watching my family grovel at his feet in fear was embarassing. At the end of every day, I'd hope "Tomorrow, it'll be better" and I wondered if my mother would ever be strong enough. I watched my brother and hoped that he'd be different. I believed that I could be.
Someone asked me recently "How did you come out of it? What was it, about you, that made it different for you?" In fact, I get asked this question all the time - every time I tell my story. I never really quite know what answer to give, so I always just speak from my heart and give the truth. "It wasn't me. It was God who brought me through it. I just always knew, in my heart, it would all be okay."
I don't have the glaring testimony that says I saw the "light" and knew, in an instant, I needed Christ in my life. My story is quite the opposite. All those days in my home that were scary and unpredictable, the nights I hoped it wouldn't happen again, the times I wished it would all just go away - I just knew, deep down, that even if nothing changed, I would be okay. I knew that someone was protecting me and I'd be alright. I knew that life would be different someday. I never knew how, but I knew it would be.
I never saw Jesus in the corner, never saw a guardian angel, and I never saw the future. It was just a feeling. I believed there was an "other side" and I waited for it.
As an adult, when I read this verse and I really think about what it means, I guess I knew Jeremiah 29:11 all along. Christ was whispering this verse to my heart and I knew that I would come through the pain. His plan was never to harm me, but to prosper me; plans to give me a future. A future that included a great husband, wonderful kids, amazing friends, a rewarding career and multiple opportunities to impact my world. WOW! Those are the blessings of my experience!
So, as I look forward on my life and the adventures that may lie ahead, I have to trust in God's plan. I know that he will not harm, but will prosper and provide hope. I will remember this verse and the promise therein. I will teach my children to trust in God's plan and to not be fearful. It won't always be easy, but the importance of the lesson is undeniable. Life isn't supposed to be scary. Its supposed to bring us closer to God, and when we trust in Him, there's no way to stay away from Him.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
"NOOOO!!! I don't wanna!!!"
My last blog post was about the hurt that comes into our life and how we're invited to climb to the top of the painful hill and leave our hurt at the foot of the cross. I mentioned a situation where I'd felt persecuted and attacked lately, but I’ve also been facing some other circumstances where forgiveness has been really difficult.
This morning, God yelled at me, in church! "Serena, you need to practice forgiveness over these situations!!!" It was as if He was telling me, "I've tried to gently guide you in this direction for weeks and you've not been listening to me."
I was reminded of a song I’ve heard on the radio nearly every time I turn it on for the past several weeks…"7x70" by Chris August. I was reminded of several things I've read lately on forgiveness and several radio programs I've heard on the topic.
As the Pastor gave the message, I read the following verses along with him…Matthew 6:14-15 and Matthew 18:35.
Forgiveness was being shoved down my throat and I didn't like it.
So many thoughts ran through my mind. "WHAT?!?!?!? Are you kidding me, God? How am I ever supposed to forgive this kind of attack? Why should I forgive people who have acted like I’ve done something wrong or who blame me? I have forgiven so many people in my life, why can't I just be angry about these issues? Can't you just let me have my feelings, this time?"
"Nope." He whispered to me, more gently this time, "I have forgiven you every day. I forgive you because I love you. Are you bigger than me that you can decide when and who to forgive?"
Gulp...
That's exactly what I've done. I've acted like I'm bigger than God and I've pretended that it's my place to decide when and who to forgive? I've tried to be "judge and jury" and have even considered ways to get even with those who have come against me. In other moments, I've handed over my power and control to the circumstances and allowed it to completely overtake my every thought. I've allowed situations to make me fearful. I've been downright angry!!!
The reality is I'm not God. I'm not the judge or the jury. I don't get to take revenge. I don't get to give-up. I don't get to roll-over. I don’t get to fight and claw my way through life like an angry lion.
Instead, I need to recognize that God will take care of the judgement and whatever lessons need to be learned – and that He’ll start with me, every time. I need to appreciate His willingness to take care of these circumstances and believe in His power and strength over my own. It is not my will…but His.
Being God's daughter doesn't mean that I am above experiencing the circumstance.
Forgiveness. The mere idea of it, honestly, makes me want to throw a massive toddler style temper tantrum, but I have to bow down in obedience.
If God can send his only son to die for me, I can surely let these things go. I can move forward knowing that God will pull me through the difficulty and that I have no real reason to be angry. It'll all work out. It'll only go so far as God will allow it. It'll be okay. Surely these things aren't bigger than the sins against me during my childhood, and I've forgiven those several times over. There's no way these issues are bigger than the sins I've committed against my Heavenly Father and Savior!
Forgiveness isn’t easy and it doesn’t mean that I have to continue to put myself in these situations. It means that I will truly harbor no ill feelings. I will let it go.I will not allow my circumstances turn my focus from God, or the tasks and relationships at hand. I will offer people forgiveness, over and over and over again, 70x7 times, because that’s exactly what Christ does for me every single day! Pastor made a good point when he said "By the time you've forgiven them 490 times, the chances are very good you'll be over it."
It’s really the least I can do, as a Christ-follower. I will strive to be an example of His sacrifice! I will pray for the strength to forgive and move on, as many times as it takes.
This morning, God yelled at me, in church! "Serena, you need to practice forgiveness over these situations!!!" It was as if He was telling me, "I've tried to gently guide you in this direction for weeks and you've not been listening to me."
I was reminded of a song I’ve heard on the radio nearly every time I turn it on for the past several weeks…"7x70" by Chris August. I was reminded of several things I've read lately on forgiveness and several radio programs I've heard on the topic.
As the Pastor gave the message, I read the following verses along with him…Matthew 6:14-15 and Matthew 18:35.
Forgiveness was being shoved down my throat and I didn't like it.
So many thoughts ran through my mind. "WHAT?!?!?!? Are you kidding me, God? How am I ever supposed to forgive this kind of attack? Why should I forgive people who have acted like I’ve done something wrong or who blame me? I have forgiven so many people in my life, why can't I just be angry about these issues? Can't you just let me have my feelings, this time?"
"Nope." He whispered to me, more gently this time, "I have forgiven you every day. I forgive you because I love you. Are you bigger than me that you can decide when and who to forgive?"
Gulp...
That's exactly what I've done. I've acted like I'm bigger than God and I've pretended that it's my place to decide when and who to forgive? I've tried to be "judge and jury" and have even considered ways to get even with those who have come against me. In other moments, I've handed over my power and control to the circumstances and allowed it to completely overtake my every thought. I've allowed situations to make me fearful. I've been downright angry!!!
The reality is I'm not God. I'm not the judge or the jury. I don't get to take revenge. I don't get to give-up. I don't get to roll-over. I don’t get to fight and claw my way through life like an angry lion.
Instead, I need to recognize that God will take care of the judgement and whatever lessons need to be learned – and that He’ll start with me, every time. I need to appreciate His willingness to take care of these circumstances and believe in His power and strength over my own. It is not my will…but His.
Being God's daughter doesn't mean that I am above experiencing the circumstance.
Forgiveness. The mere idea of it, honestly, makes me want to throw a massive toddler style temper tantrum, but I have to bow down in obedience.
If God can send his only son to die for me, I can surely let these things go. I can move forward knowing that God will pull me through the difficulty and that I have no real reason to be angry. It'll all work out. It'll only go so far as God will allow it. It'll be okay. Surely these things aren't bigger than the sins against me during my childhood, and I've forgiven those several times over. There's no way these issues are bigger than the sins I've committed against my Heavenly Father and Savior!
Forgiveness isn’t easy and it doesn’t mean that I have to continue to put myself in these situations. It means that I will truly harbor no ill feelings. I will let it go.I will not allow my circumstances turn my focus from God, or the tasks and relationships at hand. I will offer people forgiveness, over and over and over again, 70x7 times, because that’s exactly what Christ does for me every single day! Pastor made a good point when he said "By the time you've forgiven them 490 times, the chances are very good you'll be over it."
It’s really the least I can do, as a Christ-follower. I will strive to be an example of His sacrifice! I will pray for the strength to forgive and move on, as many times as it takes.
Friday, March 25, 2011
The Hill
Hurt.
Think about it for a moment.
What does it mean to you? Does the word bring to mind a physical injury, a painful body ache? Does the word make you think of an emotional experience? Something you've faced, in your world, that seemed almost unbearable?
Hurt.
It's a hard concept. It can sneak up on you and get you from behind. Other times, it can smack you square in the face! Hurt can be superficial, fleeting, and last only for a moment or it can be a lifelong struggle, something thrust upon you by the actions of another, or the realization that you've caused someone else to hurt. Hurt can be intense and it can bring you to your knees. Hurt can also make you angry and resentful...sometimes, even vengeful, though we don't like to admit those urges.
Hurt is what makes you remember that you're human...because only humans can feel that sort of pain. Animals don't get their feelings hurt and carry it with them until they die. Animals don't hear the cutting words of another and take it to heart. Animals don't take things personally. Animals let it go. Have you ever seen two animals fight over a meal, a mate, or territory, and hold onto a grudge? I haven't.
Hurt reminds us where to turn. If you cut your finger and bleed, you get a band-aid. If you burn your arm, you run for the aloe. If you fall and break a bone, you see a doc and get the break set and a cast. If your feelings are hurt, you turn to the comfort of a friend, the encouraging words of another. If you feel a heavy burden and your buckling under the weight, you turn to support of those who care about you, to help you carry the load.
Hurt helps us to remember what not to ever do again. Burning your hand on the stove teaches you to not touch the stove. Breaking a bone reminds you to not jump off your roof. Losing a friendship reminds you to not treat someone you love that way ever again.
Opportunity to learn and change is the hidden gift from the hurt.
Recently, I have been faced with a hurtful situation. I've felt attacked and persecuted. I've felt wrongly accused and I've wondered why this hurt is hitting me at a time when I'd been feeling pretty good. I've struggled to look for the reason and opportunity and I've tried to stay positive. I've tried to own those things that are mine to own and to let go of those things that aren't. I've accepted responsibilty where I needed to and I've tried to trust along the way.
Hurt is scary, though. Sometimes, there are consequences you can't foresee, for which you cannot prepare. Sometimes, the hurt is bigger than you. The load can feel unbearable. The struggle can be intense.
During this time of trial, my prayer is that I can leave my hurt at the Cross. As unfair as it is for me to ask Christ to take this hurt from me, I am trying to find the strength and the faith to give it to Him, completely. He can handle the hurt when I can't. He is willing to take that on, and I only need to let Him do that for me, recognizing He loves me that much.
Hurt doesn't have to be an insurmountable mountain. We should view our hurt as a mere hill, over which we must climb, with perseverance and determination to reach the peak. We always ask, though, "what's at the top of that hill?"
The Cross.
The Savior.
The Rescuer.
The Strength.
The Comforter.
I need to turn my eyes toward the top of this hill, and remember that He is waiting for me, at the top, waiting to take my load, so I can slide down the other side with ease. I will approach this situation as only a hill. It is not a mountain!
Thank you, Lord, for waiting for me. Thank you, Father, for taking my hurt, my load. Thank you for your unwavering faithfulness and your willingess to always carry me through. You are my rock and my strength. Help me to remember this moment...the moment when I leave my hurt at your feet and can walk on with my head and my heart held high. Take this hurt and show me the opportunity in it. Remind me where I need to learn and grow. I will trust in you because I know that you will never fail me. Amen.
Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Think about it for a moment.
What does it mean to you? Does the word bring to mind a physical injury, a painful body ache? Does the word make you think of an emotional experience? Something you've faced, in your world, that seemed almost unbearable?
Hurt.
It's a hard concept. It can sneak up on you and get you from behind. Other times, it can smack you square in the face! Hurt can be superficial, fleeting, and last only for a moment or it can be a lifelong struggle, something thrust upon you by the actions of another, or the realization that you've caused someone else to hurt. Hurt can be intense and it can bring you to your knees. Hurt can also make you angry and resentful...sometimes, even vengeful, though we don't like to admit those urges.
Hurt is what makes you remember that you're human...because only humans can feel that sort of pain. Animals don't get their feelings hurt and carry it with them until they die. Animals don't hear the cutting words of another and take it to heart. Animals don't take things personally. Animals let it go. Have you ever seen two animals fight over a meal, a mate, or territory, and hold onto a grudge? I haven't.
Hurt reminds us where to turn. If you cut your finger and bleed, you get a band-aid. If you burn your arm, you run for the aloe. If you fall and break a bone, you see a doc and get the break set and a cast. If your feelings are hurt, you turn to the comfort of a friend, the encouraging words of another. If you feel a heavy burden and your buckling under the weight, you turn to support of those who care about you, to help you carry the load.
Hurt helps us to remember what not to ever do again. Burning your hand on the stove teaches you to not touch the stove. Breaking a bone reminds you to not jump off your roof. Losing a friendship reminds you to not treat someone you love that way ever again.
Opportunity to learn and change is the hidden gift from the hurt.
Recently, I have been faced with a hurtful situation. I've felt attacked and persecuted. I've felt wrongly accused and I've wondered why this hurt is hitting me at a time when I'd been feeling pretty good. I've struggled to look for the reason and opportunity and I've tried to stay positive. I've tried to own those things that are mine to own and to let go of those things that aren't. I've accepted responsibilty where I needed to and I've tried to trust along the way.
Hurt is scary, though. Sometimes, there are consequences you can't foresee, for which you cannot prepare. Sometimes, the hurt is bigger than you. The load can feel unbearable. The struggle can be intense.
During this time of trial, my prayer is that I can leave my hurt at the Cross. As unfair as it is for me to ask Christ to take this hurt from me, I am trying to find the strength and the faith to give it to Him, completely. He can handle the hurt when I can't. He is willing to take that on, and I only need to let Him do that for me, recognizing He loves me that much.
Hurt doesn't have to be an insurmountable mountain. We should view our hurt as a mere hill, over which we must climb, with perseverance and determination to reach the peak. We always ask, though, "what's at the top of that hill?"
The Savior.
The Rescuer.
The Strength.
The Comforter.
I need to turn my eyes toward the top of this hill, and remember that He is waiting for me, at the top, waiting to take my load, so I can slide down the other side with ease. I will approach this situation as only a hill. It is not a mountain!
Thank you, Lord, for waiting for me. Thank you, Father, for taking my hurt, my load. Thank you for your unwavering faithfulness and your willingess to always carry me through. You are my rock and my strength. Help me to remember this moment...the moment when I leave my hurt at your feet and can walk on with my head and my heart held high. Take this hurt and show me the opportunity in it. Remind me where I need to learn and grow. I will trust in you because I know that you will never fail me. Amen.
Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
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