What a GREAT ARTICLE!!!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Takin' It to the Extreme
Last week, I was chatting with my mother...some of you know her, most do not. Mom and I have been through a lot in our journey as mother and daughter. I struggle to have a lot of respect for her and the decisions that she's made in her life, but I know that I need to honor her because she is my mother. I love my mother. I really do. Even with all that's gone horribly wrong in our relationship, I love her and I'm grateful that we've been able to restore some small resemblance of a relationship in the past several years.
As we were chatting about random and useless things, last week, she mentioned to me that I "shelter" my kids, too much. When I asked her about why she believes this, she said its "because of all the things that you don't let them do - you don't let them 'be kids'." Huh? What?
(If you know me well, at all, you know that this statement is really almost ludicrous because I'm fairly cognizant of NOT sheltering my kids - I want them to be knowledgeable about their world and life, so that they can stand against things that are wrong, with strength.)
I probed her for more specifics..."What do you mean? What do you think they should be allowed to do that we don't allow?"
Here it comes...some criticism over my parenting decisions to go along with how much I let the kids run my house and I don't "discipline" them enough - which means I don't "spank" them enough.
Her answer was that "You don't let them watch certain things, like certain cartoons or Harry Potter and you don't let them dress in scary costumes at Halloween."
Are you kidding me? Remember, my kids are 9, 7, 5 and 3.
Then, she goes on to say that there are times when I am "stuck up" and "think that I'm better than everyone else because I am a (insert air quotes here) born-again Christian." Yep. That's right. I think that I'm better because I'm a Christian. Okay. Really?
"What does that mean, Mom?", I say. "How do I think that I'm better?" In an effort to really hear what she's saying and trying to do some self-reflection, I really want to examine whether I put that out there. I want to live a life that is an example of Christ's love and compassion - especially to my family who are not believers. I want to show them that living with Christ isn't always easy but it's full of motivation, inspiration, forgiveness, love and grace. I want them to see that Jesus is the reason that I can have a relationship with them at all. So, when she says that the image I give off is that I'm better than they are, I'm mortified.
Mom couldn't provide me very many examples and she couldn't really justify her statement. All she could do is point out the decisions that I've made in my life, with my husband, for your family that are different than she would make. She fell back to her stand-by "I raised you and your brother differently and you turned out just fine." (Remember, I went into foster care at 12 years old and my brother has struggled with healthy relationships and substances off and on. Really? She's going to take credit for how I turned out. I'm not sure how to feel about that.)
I tried to explain to Mom that the things she was saying only explained why I made different decisions for my family. She tried to tell me that there are pieces of the Bible that are completely true and other pieces that aren't relevant anymore. She actually said that God was wrong on one point! As I quoted scripture to her to justify my point, she began to get more and more uncomfortable.
Was she uncomfortable with me or with the Word? Is this what she means when she says I think I'm better than she? Is it really about the differences in our core values?
The realization I came to is that its not that I think I am better...I think that Jesus is better! The Bible says "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father but through me" in John 14:6. That's not ME saying that being a Christian is better - that's the Word of God saying it! I want to have Life. I want to get to the Father. I want to know Truth and be reassured that I'm on the right path. I want to seek out that kind of certainty. I don't want to have wander around in the grayness of today's "everything goes" mentality or the believe that "its all relative".
I pray that my mother, my brother, my father, my step-parents and step-siblings come to know the Truth. I want to see them in eternity. I want them to know the peace that comes from being born-again. I want my children to know that every decision we make, even if its about a show we watch or dont, a costume we wear or pass by, a relationship we honor or discard, matters to God. I want to make decisions that can be jotted down with pride by my Heavenly Father. I want to hear my Lord say "well done, thy good and faithful servant..." (Matthew 25:23) at the end of my life. I want my children to see a legacy full of Christ's example in me!
So, if that means that I have to take it to the extreme - I will! Everyday!
As we were chatting about random and useless things, last week, she mentioned to me that I "shelter" my kids, too much. When I asked her about why she believes this, she said its "because of all the things that you don't let them do - you don't let them 'be kids'." Huh? What?
(If you know me well, at all, you know that this statement is really almost ludicrous because I'm fairly cognizant of NOT sheltering my kids - I want them to be knowledgeable about their world and life, so that they can stand against things that are wrong, with strength.)
I probed her for more specifics..."What do you mean? What do you think they should be allowed to do that we don't allow?"
Here it comes...some criticism over my parenting decisions to go along with how much I let the kids run my house and I don't "discipline" them enough - which means I don't "spank" them enough.
Her answer was that "You don't let them watch certain things, like certain cartoons or Harry Potter and you don't let them dress in scary costumes at Halloween."
Are you kidding me? Remember, my kids are 9, 7, 5 and 3.
Then, she goes on to say that there are times when I am "stuck up" and "think that I'm better than everyone else because I am a (insert air quotes here) born-again Christian." Yep. That's right. I think that I'm better because I'm a Christian. Okay. Really?
"What does that mean, Mom?", I say. "How do I think that I'm better?" In an effort to really hear what she's saying and trying to do some self-reflection, I really want to examine whether I put that out there. I want to live a life that is an example of Christ's love and compassion - especially to my family who are not believers. I want to show them that living with Christ isn't always easy but it's full of motivation, inspiration, forgiveness, love and grace. I want them to see that Jesus is the reason that I can have a relationship with them at all. So, when she says that the image I give off is that I'm better than they are, I'm mortified.
Mom couldn't provide me very many examples and she couldn't really justify her statement. All she could do is point out the decisions that I've made in my life, with my husband, for your family that are different than she would make. She fell back to her stand-by "I raised you and your brother differently and you turned out just fine." (Remember, I went into foster care at 12 years old and my brother has struggled with healthy relationships and substances off and on. Really? She's going to take credit for how I turned out. I'm not sure how to feel about that.)
I tried to explain to Mom that the things she was saying only explained why I made different decisions for my family. She tried to tell me that there are pieces of the Bible that are completely true and other pieces that aren't relevant anymore. She actually said that God was wrong on one point! As I quoted scripture to her to justify my point, she began to get more and more uncomfortable.
Was she uncomfortable with me or with the Word? Is this what she means when she says I think I'm better than she? Is it really about the differences in our core values?
The realization I came to is that its not that I think I am better...I think that Jesus is better! The Bible says "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father but through me" in John 14:6. That's not ME saying that being a Christian is better - that's the Word of God saying it! I want to have Life. I want to get to the Father. I want to know Truth and be reassured that I'm on the right path. I want to seek out that kind of certainty. I don't want to have wander around in the grayness of today's "everything goes" mentality or the believe that "its all relative".
I pray that my mother, my brother, my father, my step-parents and step-siblings come to know the Truth. I want to see them in eternity. I want them to know the peace that comes from being born-again. I want my children to know that every decision we make, even if its about a show we watch or dont, a costume we wear or pass by, a relationship we honor or discard, matters to God. I want to make decisions that can be jotted down with pride by my Heavenly Father. I want to hear my Lord say "well done, thy good and faithful servant..." (Matthew 25:23) at the end of my life. I want my children to see a legacy full of Christ's example in me!
So, if that means that I have to take it to the extreme - I will! Everyday!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Momma Bear, Silenced
Instead, I discussed it with my husband. I let him know how I felt and I told him that I wanted to address it further. He told me no!
What? Are you kidding me? This is my child and its my job, as his mother, to stick up for him, right? How can you tell me to drop it? How can you expect me to give this up? Huh?
In all of my frustration and anger and hurt feelings and drive to protect my son, God reminded me that I have to listen to my husband. Justin has told me to let this go. He's instructed me to be patient and to let this work itself out. He sees no benefit of me bringing it up.
Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Romans 13:1
A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 1 Timothy 2:11
Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. Romans 13:5
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:24
Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. Hebrews 13:17
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? James 4:1
Confronting the situation would be a direct disrespect to my husband, who is an authority over me and our household. He sees no good that would come from me bringing this up. He addressed the situation in the manner he felt was most appropriate and he has asked me to accept the outcome and move on. He was very clear and, as much as I may disagree, I have to accept his direction and let this go. I must resist the temptation I have to "address it", for multiple reasons.
I've recently learned that God will hold our husbands accountable for our family, our children's actions, and our actions (Read Genesis. Who did God hold accountable for Eve's actions?). I've learned that because God placed our husbands in authority over our family, it is his responsibility to lead us down the path that God has revealed to him, in big things and small things.
God doesn't desire for ME to lead our family, make decisions for our family, or teach our children how to respond to life's circumstances - especially our sons! God's desire is for me to TRUST MY HUSBAND and follow HIS directions. Doing this, not only shows my husband a higher level of respect, but it also allows him to fulfill his role as leader and protector of our family and allows him an opportunity to teach, by example, to our sons how to be a man. That is a huge responsibility for my husband! How dare I step all over that by doing it "my way"?
This isn't easy for me...I want to stick up for my cub. I want to show my teeth and growl and force this person to see things my way. I want to stand on my hind legs and show how much I'm willing to protect my cubs. I want to let this person who offended my child to know that what happened was not right!
How can you apply this idea to your marriage this week? Pray about it. Ask God to show you areas of disobedience (and subsequent disrespect) to your husband. Ask for forgiveness from God and your Husband. Ask God to help you be more respectful and obedient to your husband's authority over your family - in big things and small things.
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