Adventure Ahead

The last time I wrote, it felt like I was suspended in mid-air, wondering which direction the wind would blow me.  Now, I know.  South.  Down I-35 straight to the Oklahoma City area.  All signs are pointing to new adventures, new opportunities, new relationships, new blessings and I'm sure a few new obstacles, at the same time.

As a hard-working FedEx man for almost 12 years, my husband, Justin, has proven that his work-ethic and willingness to go above and beyond is immeasurable.  He gives 110% every day and excels at his job...there's a reason why FedEx says they can get your package "Anywhere in the world, on time" and its because of men like Justin.  Although he's often questioned the value of his work and felt down on himself because he doesn't have a college degree, he is amazing at what he does and puts a lot of effort into his job.  In my humble and unbiased opinion (yeah, right!), Justin is the definition of a great courier!

Two and a half years ago, he began to work toward a new goal...a chance to grow and to enhance his career with FedEx. He began the Aspire program and was in-training to be an Operations Manager. In 2008, he applied for several positions and was granted two interviews.  He did his best, but just wasn't ready.  Discouraged for a bit, he focused less on the training and tried to see if God was really leading him in that direction.  Then, about a year ago, he believed God was telling him to "Go For It!"  Justin put a ton of energy and time into learning all that he possibly could.  He worked a gazillion extra hours and invested a lot of himself into the process. He allowed himself to be a sponge, absorbing as much as possible. 

In April, he took a chance and applied for a third position, with the same hiring manager he'd interviewed for in 2008.  He put an amazing portfolio together, stuffed it in the envelope, and shipped it off to Oklahoma City and set back to wait.  A couple of weeks later, a second position came open in Oklahoma City, and although he was still unsure what would come of the first packet, he decided to apply for the second position.  Again, he set back to wait.  Several days went by and Justin waited.  If you know Justin, you probably know that this is the hardest part...he's not very patient.  Several days went by and he received word he'd been selected to interview for BOTH positions. 

Could this really be happening? It's got to be a good sign that they want him back to interview with the same guy a third time, right?  He became nervous and excited, all in one fell swoop!

Two weeks later, interview day...preparing for the positive, we packed up the family and headed south.  We prayed with him and hoped he'd do well, still unsure what that would really mean for our family.  He heads off, dressed for success, feeling confident and anxious. 

More waiting.  Three more days until he'd know the decision.  Monday morning, he receives an email from the hiring manager!  Is this good news? Is this a personal "Sorry, but we've selected someone else." moment?  What could this mean? 

Good News!  He was offered the job and agreed to accept the position.  All of Justin's hard work was paying off!!!  It was May 9 and he was asked to report to Oklahoma City in just a few short weeks!!!  WHOA!!! WHAT!?!?!?!
 

Only a few weeks to prepare a family of 6 to move our entire lives to a new state! Holy Schmoly!  So, I gave notice at work and talked to my boss and friend. I cried with my best friend and we began to make plans to stay connected. I texted all of our closes friends and heard my mother tear up at the thought of us moving away.  I began to look online for a home for our family and to schedule another trip to the area to see if we could find a place to live...the planning had commenced.

Thankfully, the adventure is going smoothly, so far.  We have found a home; not necessarily what we really wanted and definitely will require some down-sizing and de-cluttering, but it's gonna be great.  We know where the kids will go to school and I know that I do not have to take another social work licensing exam in order to practice in Oklahoma. We're even growing somewhat, slightly, only a little bit accustomed to the lack of tornado shelters and basements in that part of Tornado Alley! 

Now, we're scheduling movers, arranging utilities, and transferring our mail.  We're praying God will show us a great church and hoping we'll meet amazing people in our new community.  We're looking at this like a new adventure and trusting God.  It's a big deal and we'll so miss the lives, the history, and the connections we've had to Wichita our entire lives.  It's definitely hard to say good-bye, but its also pretty exciting to get a fresh start. I'm praying our family grows closer to each other and to God as we embark on this journey.  Please join me in this prayer. 

Why ask Why?

Jeremiah 29:11 says ' "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." '

I wish someone would have shown me this verse when I was a kid.  I wish someone would have explained to me that the goings-on in my world were part of a bigger plan.  I wish someone would have told me that my experiences would lead me straight into the opportunity to meet the love of my life very early on, my field of study in college, my career, and would guide my own parenting choices and values for family.  It sure would have made enduring my life easier.

Lately, I've been reminded several times of this verse.  As I look back over all the things I've gone through, I am gently reminded that it truly was part of God's plan.  At times, it ticks me off that God would allow certain things to happen. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that!  I'm human and I get angry about my life, my family, my circumstances. We all do.  At other times, most of the time, though, I'm thankful that, with the pain, came a way out and a way to make it all make sense. 

Growing up with an alcoholic father, watching him disrespect, hit and belittle my mother, seeing him treat his children like we didn't matter and being treated as his own personal toy was no fun, to say the least. Watching my family grovel at his feet in fear was embarassing.  At the end of every day, I'd hope "Tomorrow, it'll be better" and I wondered if my mother would ever be strong enough.  I watched my brother and hoped that he'd be different.  I believed that I could be.

Someone asked me recently "How did you come out of it? What was it, about you, that made it different for you?" In fact, I get asked this question all the time - every time I tell my story.  I never really quite know what answer to give, so I always just speak from my heart and give the truth.  "It wasn't me.  It was God who brought me through it. I just always knew, in my heart, it would all be okay."

I don't have the glaring testimony that says I saw the "light" and knew, in an instant, I needed Christ in my life.  My story is quite the opposite.  All those days in my home that were scary and unpredictable, the nights I hoped it wouldn't happen again, the times I wished it would all just go away - I just knew, deep down, that even if nothing changed, I would be okay.  I knew that someone was protecting me and I'd be alright.  I knew that life would be different someday.  I never knew how, but I knew it would be.

I never saw Jesus in the corner, never saw a guardian angel, and I never saw the future.  It was just a feeling.  I believed there was an "other side" and I waited for it.

As an adult, when I read this verse and I really think about what it means, I guess I knew Jeremiah 29:11 all along. Christ was whispering this verse to my heart and I knew that I would come through the pain. His plan was never to harm me, but to prosper me; plans to give me a future.  A future that included a great husband, wonderful kids, amazing friends, a rewarding career and multiple opportunities to impact my world.  WOW! Those are the blessings of my experience!

So, as I look forward on my life and the adventures that may lie ahead, I have to trust in God's plan.  I know that he will not harm, but will prosper and provide hope. I will remember this verse and the promise therein. I will teach my children to trust in God's plan and to not be fearful.  It won't always be easy, but the importance of the lesson is undeniable. Life isn't supposed to be scary.  Its supposed to bring us closer to God, and when we trust in Him, there's no way to stay away from Him. 

"NOOOO!!! I don't wanna!!!"

My last blog post was about the hurt that comes into our life and how we're invited to climb to the top of the painful hill and leave our hurt at the foot of the cross. I mentioned a situation where I'd felt persecuted and attacked lately, but I’ve also been facing some other circumstances where forgiveness has been really difficult.

This morning, God yelled at me, in church! "Serena, you need to practice forgiveness over these situations!!!" It was as if He was telling me, "I've tried to gently guide you in this direction for weeks and you've not been listening to me."

I was reminded of a song I’ve heard on the radio nearly every time I turn it on for the past several weeks…"7x70" by Chris August. I was reminded of several things I've read lately on forgiveness and several radio programs I've heard on the topic. 

As the Pastor gave the message, I read the following verses along with him…Matthew 6:14-15 and Matthew 18:35.

Forgiveness was being shoved down my throat and I didn't like it.

So many thoughts ran through my mind.  "WHAT?!?!?!? Are you kidding me, God? How am I ever supposed to forgive this kind of attack? Why should I forgive people who have acted like I’ve done something wrong or who blame me? I have forgiven so many people in my life, why can't I just be angry about these issues? Can't you just let me have my feelings, this time?"

"Nope." He whispered to me, more gently this time, "I have forgiven you every day. I forgive you because I love you. Are you bigger than me that you can decide when and who to forgive?"

Gulp...

That's exactly what I've done. I've acted like I'm bigger than God and I've pretended that it's my place to decide when and who to forgive? I've tried to be "judge and jury" and have even considered ways to get even with those who have come against me. In other moments, I've handed over my power and control to the circumstances and allowed it to completely overtake my every thought. I've allowed situations to make me fearful. I've been downright angry!!!

The reality is I'm not God. I'm not the judge or the jury. I don't get to take revenge. I don't get to give-up. I don't get to roll-over. I don’t get to fight and claw my way through life like an angry lion.

Instead, I need to recognize that God will take care of the judgement and whatever lessons need to be learned – and that He’ll start with me, every time. I need to appreciate His willingness to take care of these circumstances and believe in His power and strength over my own. It is not my will…but His.

Being God's daughter doesn't mean that I am above experiencing the circumstance.

Forgiveness. The mere idea of it, honestly, makes me want to throw a massive toddler style temper tantrum, but I have to bow down in obedience. 

If God can send his only son to die for me, I can surely let these things go. I can move forward knowing that God will pull me through the difficulty and that I have no real reason to be angry. It'll all work out. It'll only go so far as God will allow it. It'll be okay.  Surely these things aren't bigger than the sins against me during my childhood, and I've forgiven those several times over.  There's no way these issues are bigger than the sins I've committed against my Heavenly Father and Savior!

Forgiveness isn’t easy and it doesn’t mean that I have to continue to put myself in these situations. It means that I will truly harbor no ill feelings. I will let it go.I will not allow my circumstances turn my focus from God, or the tasks and relationships at hand.  I will offer people forgiveness, over and over and over again, 70x7 times, because that’s exactly what Christ does for me every single day!  Pastor made a good point when he said "By the time you've forgiven them 490 times, the chances are very good you'll be over it." 

It’s really the least I can do, as a Christ-follower.  I will strive to be an example of His sacrifice! I will pray for the strength to forgive and move on, as many times as it takes.