Momma Bear, Silenced

I have just been faced with a situation that threw me into a bit of a tizzy.  I feel like one of my children has been slighted and I'm offended, for my son.  I'm angry that this happened and my natural tendency is to bring it up to the person in charge.  My desire is to contact this person and to let this person know how I feel, in a tactful and respectful manner. 

Instead, I discussed it with my husband. I let him know how I felt and I told him that I wanted to address it further.  He told me no! 

What? Are you kidding me? This is my child and its my job, as his mother, to stick up for him, right? How can you tell me to drop it? How can you expect me to give this up?  Huh? 

In all of my frustration and anger and hurt feelings and drive to protect my son, God reminded me that I have to listen to my husband.  Justin has told me to let this go.  He's instructed me to be patient and to let this work itself out.  He sees no benefit of me bringing it up. 

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.  Romans 13:1

A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 1 Timothy 2:11

Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience.  Romans 13:5
 
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21
 
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22
 
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Ephesians 5:24
 
Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.  Hebrews 13:17
 
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? James 4:1
 
Confronting the situation would be a direct disrespect to my husband, who is an authority over me and our household.  He sees no good that would come from me bringing this up.  He addressed the situation in the manner he felt was most appropriate and he has asked me to accept the outcome and move on.  He was very clear and, as much as I may disagree, I have to accept his direction and let this go.  I must resist the temptation I have to "address it", for multiple reasons.
 
I've recently learned that God will hold our husbands accountable for our family, our children's actions, and our actions (Read Genesis. Who did God hold accountable for Eve's actions?).  I've learned that because God placed our husbands in authority over our family, it is his responsibility to lead us down the path that God has revealed to him, in big things and small things. 
 
God doesn't desire for ME to lead our family, make decisions for our family, or teach our children how to respond to life's circumstances - especially our sons!  God's desire is for me to TRUST MY HUSBAND and follow HIS directions.  Doing this, not only shows my husband a higher level of respect, but it also allows him to fulfill his role as leader and protector of our family and allows him an opportunity to teach, by example, to our sons how to be a man.  That is a huge responsibility for my husband!  How dare I step all over that by doing it "my way"? 
 
This isn't easy for me...I want to stick up for my cub.  I want to show my teeth and growl and force this person to see things my way.  I want to stand on my hind legs and show how much I'm willing to protect my cubs.  I want to let this person who offended my child to know that what happened was not right!  
 

Instead, I will take my offenses to the Lord and I will trust that Justin knows best, for me and for our son.  I will follow Justin's direction and respect his authority over me.  I will let it go. 

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How can you apply this idea to your marriage this week?  Pray about it.  Ask God to show you areas of disobedience (and subsequent disrespect) to your husband. Ask for forgiveness from God and your Husband.  Ask God to help you be more respectful and obedient to your husband's authority over your family - in big things and small things. 

Pleasantly Pumpkin

This morning, I was able to attend my daughter Chloe's Kindergarten field trip to a local pumpkin patch.  While on the trip, her teacher was looking for a pumpkin flower.  The class recently discussed how pumpkins grew from a flower on a vine into the big, round orange pumpkins that we pick up and use for carving jack-o-lanterns.  It occured to me as the teacher located a beautiful pumpkin vine and flower, cut it off and showed it to all of the children, that our path, as God's children, begins and ends much like that of a pumpkin's path to our carving table or porch decor.

You see, pumpkins start from just one, relatively small, seed that is planted.  It's nurtured and taken care of - fertilized (fed) and watered.  The pumpkin fields are tended and looked after, protected during storms and weather fluctuations. The fields are treated to fend off infestations all things that would attempt to damage the crop.  When the pumpkins are riped, they're laid out for selection by the yearly hayrack rides full of pumpkin pickers.

We, too, start out as a very humble little being.  As a child, we're planted, loved and cared for, protected from fluctuations of our world and given resistance to the infestations of the day.  We start out as an innocent little flower, but as we grow, we change.  We learn new things and experience struggles in life.  The weather changes and storms come.  We see our friends change and we recognize opportunities.  Our blooms change from a flower to a little pumpkin bud and grows into the variety of life that we see everytime we look around at the people in our lives.

As we walked through the pumpkin patch, I saw that some of the pumpkins were large, others were small.  Funny. People are that way too.  I saw that some pumpkins were bright orange all over, but others were moddled with green and yellow.  Some were broken and rotted out.  Some had dimples and holes.  Funny, people look uniquely different, too.  Some had one good side and one bad side.  Funny, people carry two personas, too.  Hmmmm.

I also noticed that some of the pumpkins were still attached to their life-giving vine, while others had fallen off on their own and others were cut away.  People, too, have a life-giving vine and our attachment to this Vine varies.  We can be cut away from God, completely, in our minds and hearts.  We can be hanging on with one little strand to God, trying to fend off the challenges and temptations we face, or we can be clinging to God with every fiber of our being and still relying on Him for every breath of our life, each and every day.

God's majesty really is amazing, isn't it?  He can turn that tiny little pumpkin seed into a big, glorious pumpkin!  That's remarkable, in the true sense of the word. God can, however, keep his majesty rather simple.  The transformation is a process, for everyone.  We're growing each day and with each new chance.  God allows our vines to twist and turn and sometimes break, but he always give us a chance at life.  Every single pumpkin in that field, at one time, had a chance to be picked.  The variations of color could all be combined to form a beautiful centerpiece, or a fantastic and whimsical decoration. The bumps and bruises on the guords give them character.  The variation of sizes and colors make each pumpkin truly unique.  And, have you ever noticed how hard is to find that perfect pumpkin. You just can't do it.  Perfection does not exist in the pumpkin patch or in us.  It's just not there, and, that's okay!

Take some time today to thank God for his simple majesty.  Thank Him for the process we go through and thank Him for the opportunities each day that we have to reach out for His life-granting blessings.  Thank God for making you, YOU - unique and beautiful to the One who picks you from the patch, every single time! 

When God Speaks Through Your Spouse

In a moment of disagreement between the two of us (you know the kind - an argument), my husband said some things that hurt.  At first, they just made me really angry.  How dare he say that to me?  I've been a stay-at-home mom for almost 7 years now and in that time, I've done a lot.  I've tried to keep up with the housework. I've tried to keep the family organized.  I've tried to keep the laundry washed and folded (okay, I slack on this one more than other things because I hate laundry so much). I've taken the kids to school, signed all the notes, made sure homework was done, written the checks for field trips, lunches, pictures, etc. I've signed the kids up for various activities and tried to get them involved. I've been the primary care-taker and disciplinarian, simply because I am home.  I've also gone to graduate school, volunteered at church, been a classroom mother for the kids and helped at school parties, and taught foster/adoptive parent classes in the evening.  What I'm trying to say is that I don't feel like I've wasted the past 7 years of my life and I've not spent them on the sofa watching Oprah or General Hospital, eating chocolate. 

So, to hear my husband say that he hasn't really noticed a big difference in the house or the schedule or whatever since I started my final practicum (which is a part-time job) hurt.  He went on to say how ticked off he is that I haven't made simple changes he's requested, like filling up the truck when it gets to 1/2 a tank vs. E, or that I haven't been as resourceful/accountable with our financial resources as I should be, was a surprise.  At first, it felt like he was "giving me instructions" and I didn't want to hear it. 

I mean, really, is he the one at home dealing with all these things.  Nope.  He's at work from 6 a.m. to 5 p.m.  That's easy because he doesn't have to deal with the kids and the day-to-day family stuff!  Can't he help out more at home?  Can't he pay the bills, do a load of laundry, help with homework, run the kids to and from, help clean up from dinner, do baths, get the kids in bed, spend quality time with each of our kids, coach the sports teams, volunteer at church, etc. in the 3 1/2 hours he has at home each night, and do it all without getting irritable?  Shouldn't I be allowed to "clock-out" when he gets home? 

Okay, okay.  I know - on some level that all seems totally reasonable.  Last night (and this morning when I woke up), I heard God saying to me..."He does his part without your help." God's right.  I don't get up at 5:00 a.m. to get ready for work.  I don't go to FedEx and help Justin make his deliveries on time, especially when freight is late, so they're all really, super busy.  I don't help coach the football team. I don't coach the soccer team.  I see my kids during the day and I talk to the teachers, so I know how they're doing all the time.  I get to care for them when they're sick and hear how they're growing because I take them to the doctor appointments.  I get to see them laugh and have a good time, while he's at work.  I have my relationship with our children because I have more time with them than Daddy does. 

When he comes home, and I'm expecting him to help with everything because I want a break - when does he get a break?  Genesis 2:18 says "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."  God created me to be a helper for my husband - not the other way around! Oh, Lightbulb! Duh.  I've known that verse for a very long time and I thought I had accepted it. 

In a Bible Study that I'm taking, we've recently discussed the innate drives in men and women.  My husband's drives are to provide for and protect our family and to exercise dominion over those territories.  My drives are to nurture and support my family and to exercise dominion over those territories.  When I ask my husband to take on my territories as well as his own, I put a great deal of pressure on him.  I ask him to do my part and his own and that's not fair.  When he asks me to do things a certain way, I should respect that he knows how to lead our family and make the changes.  (Wanna hear something else?  Justin actually said to me "If you want the power in this family, fine. Take it." Whoa!!!! That's not what I want and NOT what I'd been praying for in my marriage for a very long time. In fact, I've been praying that Justin would step up more.  Prayer answered - last night!  That hurt.  Talk about God getting in your face...)

Now, am I saying that I, as a woman should be okay to be stuck in the kitchen all day doing "woman's work"? No. I'm not.  I believe marriage should consist of mutual support, encouragment, and respect.  It is a two-way street and each partner must give something to the relationship and the home.  However, what each partner gives is just different.  Each gives something to the family and the home, but each gives what God has equipped him or her to give.  It is unfair of us, male or female, to ask our loved one to give something that God did not design him or her to give.  It's just not possible, and eventually, someone blows. 

So, my encouragment for today is to ask your spouse what he/she feels should be your offering to the marriage. Define your territories and commit to sticking to them.  Check your demands on each other, honestly and sincerely.  Are they equal but different?  Is there something that your spouse would want you to change about the way you do your part, in your family?  Can you make that change?  Today, I will pray about my part and my territories and I will consider how I have been unfair to Justin.  Today, I will really hear the message from my husband because, I believe it may just be a message from my Father.