The Hill

Hurt. 

Think about it for a moment. 

What does it mean to you?  Does the word bring to mind a physical injury, a painful body ache? Does the word make you think of an emotional experience? Something you've faced, in your world, that seemed almost unbearable? 

Hurt.

It's a hard concept.  It can sneak up on you and get you from behind.  Other times, it can smack you square in the face! Hurt can be superficial, fleeting, and last only for a moment or it can be a lifelong struggle, something thrust upon you by the actions of another, or the realization that you've caused someone else to hurt.  Hurt can be intense and it can bring you to your knees.  Hurt can also make you angry and resentful...sometimes, even vengeful, though we don't like to admit those urges.

Hurt is what makes you remember that you're human...because only humans can feel that sort of pain.  Animals don't get their feelings hurt and carry it with them until they die.  Animals don't hear the cutting words of another and take it to heart.  Animals don't take things personally. Animals let it go.  Have you ever seen two animals fight over a meal, a mate, or territory, and hold onto a grudge? I haven't.

Hurt reminds us where to turn.  If you cut your finger and bleed, you get a band-aid. If you burn your arm, you run for the aloe.  If you fall and break a bone, you see a doc and get the break set and a cast.  If your feelings are hurt, you turn to the comfort of a friend, the encouraging words of another.  If you feel a heavy burden and your buckling under the weight, you turn to support of those who care about you, to help you carry the load. 

Hurt helps us to remember what not to ever do again.  Burning your hand on the stove teaches you to not touch the stove. Breaking a bone reminds you to not jump off your roof.  Losing a friendship reminds you to not treat someone you love that way ever again. 

Opportunity to learn and change is the hidden gift from the hurt.

Recently, I have been faced with a hurtful situation. I've felt attacked and persecuted.  I've felt wrongly accused and I've wondered why this hurt is hitting me at a time when I'd been feeling pretty good.  I've struggled to look for the reason and opportunity and I've tried to stay positive. I've tried to own those things that are mine to own and to let go of those things that aren't.  I've accepted responsibilty where I needed to and I've tried to trust along the way.

Hurt is scary, though.  Sometimes, there are consequences you can't foresee, for which you cannot prepare.  Sometimes, the hurt is bigger than you.   The load can feel unbearable.  The struggle can be intense. 

During this time of trial, my prayer is that I can leave my hurt at the Cross.  As unfair as it is for me to ask Christ to take this hurt from me, I am trying to find the strength and the faith to give it to Him, completely.  He can handle the hurt when I can't.  He is willing to take that on, and I only need to let Him do that for me, recognizing He loves me that much. 

Hurt doesn't have to be an insurmountable mountain.  We should view our hurt as a mere hill, over which we must climb, with perseverance and determination to reach the peak.  We always ask, though, "what's at the top of that hill?"

The Cross.

The Savior.

The Rescuer.

The Strength.

The Comforter.

I need to turn my eyes toward the top of this hill, and remember that He is waiting for me, at the top, waiting to take my load, so I can slide down the other side with ease.  I will approach this situation as only a hill.  It is not a mountain!

Thank you, Lord, for waiting for me. Thank you, Father, for taking my hurt, my load.  Thank you for your unwavering faithfulness and your willingess to always carry me through.  You are my rock and my strength.  Help me to remember this moment...the moment when I leave my hurt at your feet and can walk on with my head and my heart held high. Take this hurt and show me the opportunity in it.  Remind me where I need to learn and grow.  I will trust in you because I know that you will never fail me.  Amen.

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Re-Focused

Last weekend I attended an Extraordinary Women (http://www.ewomen.net/) conference with my best friend, Staci.  It's become somewhat a tradition for us to attend this conference and to get a full day and a half of spiritual refreshing and renewal.  I truly love worshiping my Father with several thousand women.  It's an amazing experience!

This year, however, was the first year I planned to attend when I wasn't struggling with something.  I thought "I can just go and get renewed in my current way of life and not really be hit in the face with anything." I was really excited about where my life and my heart were at and was just ready for a weekend away with my gal pal, enjoying worship, good teaching and shopping.

Just then - WHAMO!!! Right smack dab in the face! God must have laughed when I had that thought because he decided to give me a true "Right in the Kisser" Honeymooners-style wake-up call.  I really don't like it when He does that.

The theme for the conference was "Everlasting Hope" and it was all about putting hope in things that cannot bring us fulfillment in the way God does.  I read the theme and thought "Yeah, that's so true...we totally do that."  I was only thinking about the really big things, like our finances, our marriage, our children, our careers, our salvation, our relationships, our ministries...you know, those things that really matter.

What I realized at the conference is that I need to put my hope in Christ in every aspect of my world.  Luke 1:37 says "For NOTHING is impossible, with God."  For months (okay, years) I've struggled with my weight, my motivation and committment to exercise, struggled in my relationships with my mother, brother, and other relatives, struggled through my day to day parenting, struggled to get all the things on my to-do list checked off, struggled to keep the house clean and the laundry done, struggled to be a more enthusiastic and creative cook for my family, struggled with financial decisions, struggled through various situations with my husband, struggled to feel good about my life, and the list goes on.  I've struggled to prove myself to myself and to this world.  I've struggled to show the world "You can't keep me down!" and have lost sight of the real goal...to be an example of God's faithfulness, holiness, and perfect good-ness.  There's no need for me to struggle because nothing is impossible with God!! 

How foolish I've been.  Why have I fallen into Satan's trap of leaning on myself and those people around me instead of falling at the foot of the cross and depending on God to carry me through this life?

I think we all do.  I think Satan is pretty darn good at getting us to believe his lies.  I think Satan doesn't even have to try very hard. It's just that easy to get us to take our eyes off of God.

Like Peter, in Matthew 14:22-33, we must stay focused on God. We must have faith in Him and realize that nothing is impossible with God - even walking on water.  We must put our hope in Him and leave it at the foot of the cross.  We must take our focus off of the things of this world - the media, the money, the numbers on the scale, the image in the mirror, the friendships of this world, the to-do lists - and realize that only God can pull us through our struggles.

When I felt the smack of God at the conference, I felt like a fish flopping around on dry ground, searching for water and gasping for life, weak and tired and losing the fight. 

At the Cross, however, I get all that I need.  I get to breath and to drink all I need.  I get to relax in my Father's arms.  I get drink in the peacefulness that only He can provide. I get the strength to fight because God is in me.  Lamentations 3:25 says "The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks him".  At the Cross, I get to rest.  When Christ hung on that cross, He was taking on my burden.  Its pretty pathetic and disgraceful for me to throw that back in His face and not realize His ability to bear that weight.  Noone of this world would do that for me. Nothing of this world would take that burden.  Only Christ.

My prayer for today and forever:

Lord, I confess that I've allowed Satan to turn my focus from You and I've put my hope in the things of self and of this world.  I've lost sight of what You did for me, on the cross.  I have tried to trust in my own abilities.  I've tried to glorify myself in the eyes of others.  I seek the praises and validation of others to build me up. I realize I really need to have faith in the love You have for me.  You will not let me fall.  You will help me to accomplish exactly the plan You've laid out for me. I know nothing is impossible and You are good to those who put their hope in You.  Today, I put my hope at Your feet.  I ask that You will show me the areas of my life where I've allowed my focus to shift and I pray You will, in those moments, remind me that You are there, taking care of everything.  I pray that everything I do will glorify You, not myself.  Thank you, God, for being so good to me and for always patiently waiting on me to get it.  In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Runnin' a Race

2011 will be the year of big changes...first and foremost will be the change in me...in my physical appearance and I've decided to make this the year that I focus on what God created me to be and how He views me.  That means that I must begin to see myself as He does and to take care of my body and my health the way that God demands of me.  My body is a temple to be used to serve God and it is my responsibility to take care of that temple.  I cannot continue to eat/drink what I want, live a sedentary lifestyle and "pray" that I'll be thinner and more lean all the while wishing that I looked like that woman over there.  I must do my part! I must meet God halfway.

So, my goals will be attainable but big...starting with the successful completion of a half marathon 15 weeks from today, on May 1, 2011. In order for me to reach this goal, I must work out, hard, 6 days/week and follow the schedule I've given myself. I'm not going for speed...just to move across that finish line on  my own two feet. I'd prefer to not have to trip someone in the last 528 feet, but I'm not opposed to that, if it means that I won't be the very last one (just kidding!).  I'd like to finish it under 4 hours, so that I don't have to hold my head down for the rest of my life.  That's about an 18 minute mile pace and the plan is to do it in run/walk intervals.  I think its doable...I pray its doable.   

By October, I'd like to cut at least an hour off my time and complete another half marathon in under 3 hours, which is about a 13 minute mile pace. 

My motivational verse for this endeavor: Hebrews 12:1 "...let us run with perseverance the race set out for us."  I'll be remembering this verse whenever I want to give up.  This is the race that God has laid out for my life this year and He will give me the strength and endurance to persevere to the end, if I do my part.  By doing that and staying focused on God, I can't fail.  I must always remember to be like Peter when he climbed out of the boat...as long as he was focused fully on Christ, he walked on the water, but the moment he looked away from the Lord, he began to sink!  Christ will be my guide along this journey and I will stay focused on HIM!!!

If I start to look away and begin to sink and forget about the finish line out in front of me, I pray that my accountability partners will yell out to me to stay focused on the Lord and to PERSEVERE to the end!!!